Why is it so hard to go "home" once you become Army? Long for the confort of "home" to be reminded that it no longer is offer there but within the Army itself?!

Hello! I want to let all readers know that my blog will be done for a couple days. We are experiencing some issues with the internet company. Thanks!

Must needed changes

During this period of my life, I stayed close to my trailer. Why, you question (especially if you know me now) was because of my fear. I lived a lot of my life in fear during that period. I was scared of what the Army would do to me, my son and my husband if I screwed up. I was under the assumption that the Army was a god type and could punish as it saw fit. (yes, a major change from who I am today, lol and that is partially why I am continuing this long drawn out BIO.)

I remember a neighbor of mine asking me to go to the PX with her on Fort Campbell. I was very excited due the fact that I had been there a few time with my husband and the season were changing so I need to purchase a winter coat for my son. I had heard of the discounts and thought it would be a good opportunity for me (and financially for my family). At the time of purchase, little did I know that my husband frequented the PX and wrote a check, so when I went to pay- the check was declined due to a returned check. I was mortified! Thank goodness my friend (neighbor) was there. I had never bounce a check so I had little knowledge of what to do in this situation. I do not remember if I got the coat for my son but I do remember the extreme fear I felt at that moment, plus the conversation with my husband based on that occasion. He blew it (the bounced check) off and was very upset with me for even attempting to write a check on our account. FYI: I have never to this day written a check at the PX....

Fear is a power thing. Yet, God has a eternal solution Isaiah 41:10 say "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

It took me years to understand the meaning of God's protection and control of my life. I still struggle with it daily. Yet, I am amazed that He knew all the struggles, heart aches, disappointments that we would experience and fears. Yet, He tells us not be afraid because He is with us. I am constantly at wonder of His creation of this majestic earth and yet question, fear, stress my own life. How selfish of me....He has given a promise to strengthen, help and hold me! How glorious is that?!? Yet, so many times as the example above I doubt... I found myself today praising God over a simple flower in Lowes, the uniqueness, beauty and wonder of this flower and turn and question my own life and security. I know for me; I compare, analyze, and question my experiences and base myself on these assumptions. Thankfully God does not!!!

Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself."

The definition of everlasting is-lasting forever! There is not a time limit on God's love for me. So, when I am fearful; Thankfully God does not say "Times up, I no longer Love you due to you being scared!" Forever is a disclosure statement meaning that it is limitless in measure...
Unfailing means: reliable or unchanging! How amazing is that?!? I know that holds Peace to me. How many people can we truly say have "unfailing" love? Even for my own children, my love is changing...It has grown from the moment of their conception to current! God in all His perfection, Glory and Knowledge LOVES US! Do you understand that type of Love? I don't , but so extremely blessed and thankful that the Creator of that beautiful flower knew me before I knew me and LOVED ME! Yes world, HE LOVES ME!!!! I am a masterpiece in the eyes of the greatest artist, my Father God....and HE LOVES YOU (all you have to do is excect it!)

Traditions!

Sorry for my absence, been a busy week. My oldest son is getting ready to start his own journey in the military so I have been taking time and enjoying his presence.



Traditions are unique in the military culture. I was reminded of one today when a friend's husband returned from deployment. The weeks before are full of preparation, cleaning the house, making sure there is room in the closet, getting food that he likes (or some cases purchasing food that "needs" to be cooked instead of just warmed up or poured into a bowl), purchasing that perfect outfit, and of course fighting off the nerves. After all, most deployments are longer than six months (actually a year or more is realistic).



That first year of military life for me wasn't any different. I remember being so tired one time when my husband was training. I had no idea where he was or when he would return but I kept the house clean, room in the closet, and the cabinets stocked with his favorite items. I had no energy left on several days to cook. Yet, I would force myself. I thought that is what you did once you were out on your own and had a child to tend, especially since I was from a farm in Iowa (that is what I grew up - the "tradition"). I recall one day around 11am, I phoned my mom for advice. "Mom", I signed in a state of exhaustion, "what can I feed my son....I haven't slept in days due to my husband being gone and I have cooked every meal but I don't have the energy anymore." Her reply was very simple: "Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich." How amazed I was at her reply. I was not accustom to this simple solution but I was thrilled with it! That day started a new family tradition, and has now developed into my oldest (yes, the child I was so concerned with in this blog) Favorite food!



During that first year, the beginning 'sisterhood'

After many years in the military, I now find comfort in the traditions of 'Our' culture. I enjoy hearing the excitement in a spouse's voice when their spouse is returning from home, even if it is from a days work.

Thursday!

Thursday has been notorious in my life as being a Bray day! So with that, I continue with that and not blog on Thursday. I hope everyone has enjoyed my blogging thus far, I would love to hear feedback from everyone (also your own personal stories, THEY DO MATTER!)

thanks
and God Bless

Make new friends but keep the old, some are silver other's gold!

The childhood saying (the one I learned in Girl Scouts) 'Make new friends but keep the old, some are silver the other's gold' gave way to a new meaning that first year. I began to venture out of my trailer to meet my peers. I was very reluctant at first, due to the fact that I was born and raised with the same group in Iowa. I graduated from pre-school, middle school, and high school with the same friends. I was one of the few that left our hometown to "see the world". All the girls in the trailer park had children the same age as my son, except Ann. I noticed the common bond and did not realize at the time but this foreshadowed the Army Culture (as I refer to it currently). The girl's referred to our babies as deployment babies, which I questioned and soon became educated on the phrasing. We all became pregnant with our children before our husband's / fiance's deployed to the conflict in the Gulf. We also all gave birth to our children without the father's being present. Our friendship grew quickly and we formed a sisterhood. Similiar to the one I had with my friends, Lorraine and Shanell back home. I was now coming into my own, figuring out MY beliefs, and developing connections with others based on who I was instead of who I was being told to be. I loved it! "Finally" I thought, "This is freedom."
During that year, I traveled home on a couple of occasions. I spend plenty of time with my childhood girlfriends. Our relationship had changed. We "played the part" of adults well with each other and allowed the growth (or at least the attempt of growth). Shanell was now married to Jody; her high school sweetheart, and it showed they were so in love. Lorraine and Bobby were still dating, and I can not remember if they were openly engaged or if it was still being discussed. Lorraine and I would relive our "glory days" in the Valley, cruise the strip and then go out for dinner. I was envious of her being able to attend college, and she of me being able to move away. I had no idea my visit in February 1992 would be the last time I would spend with Lorraine. I received a phone call from my Mom on April 20,1992, that Lorraine and another high school classmate were in a tragic car accident returning from college. Jenny (the other classmate) was killed instantly and Lorraine was declared brain dead at the time of arrival. (Her family kept her on life support for two months.) I was in shock. I began to scream "WHY, Not Lorraine! Our class was suppose to break the curse. None of us are suppose to DIE!" My Mom tried to console me, "You know that there comes a time when we all die, honey." I was so mad at her for saying that statement. How dare she say that about Lorraine, My Lorraine, My BEST Friend....Goodbye Lorraine.
Some are Silver
Other's Gold
Lorraine will always remain "Gold"

I attended Lorraine's funeral that first year and changed forever.
From that moment, I was determined to cherish my child/ren. Jenny (the other victim in the accident) left a son. He is only four months older than my son.
I vowed to persue my dream of college.
I started to learn the meaning of true love and 'sisterhood'.

Am I over my head?

"Am I over my head", was my question to myself once we moved to the first duty assignment. I quickly met my neighbors; Krissy, Nancy, Ann, and Melba. Melba so graciously helped me unpack all my boxes and 'told' me where I should put away all my (few but cherished) belongings. Being young, naive, and scared I let her for about an hour until I realized that she was just checking out all my belongings. I quickly told her to leave and that I appreciated her help but I would get my household settled. After she left, I broke down and cried. This was my first MOVE away from home and I had no idea what I was doing. After graduation from high school, I traveled to NYC "The Big Apple", my dream! Yet, this was nothing like that, I had to set up a house, not only for my new husband, son, but as Melba informed me "The ARMY". We did not live on post but a small trailer park outside Hopkinsville. I was going through my naive'ness" and did not question anything but my internal thoughts: again "Am I over my head?" "How does one set up a house for the ARMY?" continued to bounce throughout my mind. I assumed that "the Army" would come and inspect on it's convenience and I would be required to arrange everything to their suiting. I finished setting up house and informed my husband that evening. He made no mention of setting up the home for the Army. I began to calm myself and settle into being an Army wife.
This peace was short lived, due to my husband's military gear being stored by our front door. I never questioned it. I was a new wife, still adjusting to the Army ways and was constantly reminded of him being gone to war by his moods and distance. I realized the reason for storage area being readily available when the call came early in the morning, between 2 and 3am. A neighbor stopped by and they drove together to base. I received one phone call from him which he stated that he would give me a call when he could and it was just training. I had no idea what that meant, but thankful Krissy stopped by in the morning and explained. It was just a field exercise and that they (her husband and mine) would be gone until the training was complete. It ended up being a week, That time!

Everyone- feel free to chime in on your personal stories. Subject currently is your beginning journey being married to the Army! Feel free to be yourself! +/-

June 1st~ my first blog!

How exciting! I am venturing into a new world, one that I have tip toed in before but never in this fashion. I am thrilled and looking forward to this adventure.
A little bit about myself: as I like to say "Bray, In the raw" (no need to get worried, that is my figurative way of saying that I am blunt, honest, speak my mind type of gal)
My brief Bio:
I was born in Iowa and my family did not have a lot of military affilication until my brother joined the Iowa National Guard at the age of 16 (my parents signed the waiver). I lived close enought that I could sit outside and watch the planes fly over in practice missions. It was great and scary at the same time.
I married military when I was 19. He just returned from Desert Shield/ Storm. We dated and were engaged before he left for Iraq and that was my introduction to Army! Shocked to the system. I still lived with my parent's and gave birth to our first son while he was deployed. I spoke to him one time on Christmas Day for one minute and all he could say was " I love you", the line was cut and I did not hear from him again until he was on his way home. I had no idea what I was signing up for at that time. I was really just ready to get out of my small hometown (as I think many graduates are during that period of their life). After our wedding, we moved to Fort Campbell, KY in a horse trailor that my father borrowed from a friend. We had no idea the military would move my belongings to join my new husband. He was also new to the military, and was still in the phase of "yes sir / no sir" attitude. That does change alittle over time, one finds they have the right to question things...

More to come: with the Life of being an Army Wife~ things are on high demand sometimes (I am now a mother of four and the son I mentioned above is now 18 and requesting my time)